


The Family Man

by michele659



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Alternate Reality, Angst and Humor, M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-24
Updated: 2013-02-26
Packaged: 2017-12-03 11:26:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/697753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/michele659/pseuds/michele659
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A/U-Steve and Danny meet in NYC when they’re nineteen years old. They both had decided to take a couple of years off before going on with their education when they meet.They’re both gay and aware of it. When the story begins Steve is going to Annapolis and Danny is going to start at NYU. They’re twenty one at this point.</p><p> For plot purposes Steve’s father was never murdered .Steve comes home to sell the house when his Dad moves away. It’s at that point that Governor Jameson asks him to head the taskforce.</p><p>Also for plot purposes Danny was never married, and although he’s Grace’s biological father it’s through artificial insemination. That will be explained as the story goes on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the After Holidays Promptfest at Steve/Danno slash on lj.  
> Based on the prompt by allegra_cullen: Steve wakes up and finds himself married like in The Family Man.  
> I did use some of the dialogue of the movie (The comment about the “permanent acid trip” is a favorite of mine!)and of course the plot mirrors the movie in the basic ways.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Hawaii 5-0 or the movie “The Family Man”.

1999

“So, I guess this is goodbye,” Danny said, looking so dejected and forlorn that Steve couldn’t help but hug him.

“Yeah, but it’s only for a little while. I’ll go to Annapolis and you’ll go to NYU and when I come back we’ll follow through on our plan.”

Danny shook his head. “Don’t get on the plane, Steve.”

“Why not?”

“I have a bad feeling about this. I can’t explain it,” Danny waved his hands, trying to convey what he was feeling.

“What? About the plane? Don’t tell me you think it’s going to crash, please?”

“No, nothing like that. I just feel that if you get on that plane I’ll never see you again.”

“Danny, that’s ridiculous! We’ll see each other all the time!”

Danny ran his fingers through his hair, a sure sign he was nervous about something.

“No, we won’t. Listen, I know we had this plan, but let’s do something really impulsive and just-fuck the plan. Let’s make up a new plan. I don’t know what this new life would look like but I do know this: It has the both of us in it. And that’s better than any plan we could have separately. Honestly, if I have to choose-I choose us. And I will, every single time.”

Steve wrapped his arms around Danny and kissed him. Danny responded eagerly to the kiss and started murmuring “I love you,” over and over.

“I love you too, Danny,” Steve said in between kisses, “and being away from you is for a while is not going to change that. I’ll call you when I get there and we’ll make plans to meet.”

Just then Steve’s flight was called and he said, “I gotta go. I love you.”

Danny reluctantly pulled away from Steve, waving at him as he walked away.

He smiled at Steve, but as he watched him walk away his smile faded.

“Goodbye, Steve,” he said.

 

***

Eleven Years Later

When Lt. Commander Steve McGarrett’s father called him because he’d decided to move to Europe, asking Steve to come home and sell the house, he never intended to stay in Hawaii. He had every intention of returning to the SEALS. Before he could do that, however, the Governor came to him about starting a new task force to get “criminals and terrorists the hell off my island”. She’d heard such good things about Steve’s record in the military that she would be more than happy to let him run it.

At first Steve was a little skeptical, but she assured him he could pick his own team and that she’d give him full immunity to do whatever he needed to do to get the job done.

Steve liked the sound of that but didn’t know how he would feel about trying to adjust to civilian life.

He was aware that he’d been part of the military for so long that he was going to have to learn a whole new way of doing things.

Life was both more regimented and more adventurous in the SEALS, and Steve found himself wanting both.

Still, he wanted to run the task force, so he built a team and tried to fit in with the world around him.

He’d been in Hawaii for about a month when he heard from Danny Williams.

****

“Boss-I took a message for you,” Kono dropped the slip of paper on his desk.

Steve stared at the paper for a moment, and he felt his heart skip a beat as he saw the familiar name.

“He wants you to call him,” Kono said. “He says he lives here but was on vacation when you got back and didn’t know you were here until now!” Kono’s voice took on a sly tone. “He sounds cute. Is he married? “

Steve shook his head to clear it and blinked. “What?”

“I asked if he was married! He sounds cute!”

“Oh-yeah, he’s cute. I- I don’t know if he’s married. I haven’t seen or spoken to him in years.” He paused as he tried to process what Kono had told him. “He lives here?”

Kono nodded and helpfully picked up the phone. “Call him! Invite him over!”

“I don’t think so, Kono,” he put the paper down on the desk.

“Why not? Come on, boss, I work all the time. I never get to meet people!”

“Kono-Danny is- was- my boyfriend when I lived in New York. We-almost were going to get married.”

Kono‘s eyes opened very wide and she gasped. “Married?”

“Yeah, - well, the equivalent. It was our plan for after we finished college.” He sighed and looked out the window.

“So, what happened?”

“Well, we didn’t get married of course. In fact, we never saw each other after I left.” Steve smiled wryly at Kono’s shocked expression. “It’s not that we didn’t plan to see each other, but there was always so much going on, and my family lived in Hawaii so I spent my free time here. And then –we broke up.” He closed his eyes as he remembered the phone call. “Danny said if I couldn’t come and visit him once and never seemed able to have time when he wanted to visit me we might as well forget about it.” Actually, Danny had hardly been that restrained, but Steve didn’t want to tell Kono about that.

“He thought I was ashamed of being with him,” he said, softly.

“And were you?”

“No-never! Not of him. Maybe I felt some shame about myself. Things in the military are even more repressed than they are in civilian life. And you couldn’t have a career in the military and be openly gay. You just couldn’t. I guess a part of me felt that if I wasn’t an officer I wasn’t anything? I don’t know, Kono. It was a confusing time.”

“Steve,” Kono’s voice was soft and she placed her hand on his. “Why don’t you call him? He seems to have forgiven you. Why not see if there’s anything between you?”

“No,” Steve let out a long breath. “I think I should leave the past in the past.” He stood up from the desk. “I’m going out for a walk,” he said. Kono just nodded and looked at him sympathetically.

*** 

Steve couldn’t stop thinking about Danny.

They really loved each other- it hadn’t just been a “youthful experiment”. He’d seen himself living with Danny for the rest of his life and being very happy.

He just didn’t have the courage to follow through on what he’d really wanted.

Still, it was a long time ago.

He liked the life he had chosen, for the most part.

He’d been so driven and determined that he had hardly noticed the loneliness.

But there it was.

Under the surface.

Oh fuck. It didn’t matter now anyway.

It was Christmas Eve. He was going home to decorate his tree and get a little drunk.

*** 

Steve knew the guy was trouble when he walked into the liquor store.

He was too hyped up on something, and the stupid owner was making things worse by arguing with him.

Steve normally would have no qualms about being in a situation like this. He knew he could handle it.

Tonight it was the last thing he wanted to be doing.

“Hey, let’s all calm down now,” he said as softly as he could.

** 

Steve walked out of the store with the hyped up man (who suddenly was talking normally), happy that he was able to quiet the man down without anyone getting hurt.

“Are you ok now?” Steve asked. “Do you have somewhere to go tonight?”

The man smiled. “Steve- I do believe you’re trying to save me!”

Steve frowned. “How did you know my name?”

The man didn’t answer. He just kept smiling.

“Steve- do you think you might be the one who needs saving?” he asked.

“What? Me, why? No, I have everything I need,” Steve protested.

“Do you really think so?” the man asked. He laughed a little. “We’ll see. Just remember you brought this on yourself.”

“Wait-what the hell are you talking about?”

But the man was already turning away. “You’ll see, Steve. “

Then he turned back and asked, “What would you wish for, if you had one chance?”

“What is this, a riddle? Why are you quoting song lyrics at me? Tell me what you mean!”

“It’s not a riddle. But you need to figure it out by yourself.” He waved. “Merry Christmas, Steve,” he said as he walked away.

Steve didn’t even bother decorating the tree.

He just took the bottle to bed with him and drank until he could fall asleep.

 

**** 

He woke up to an unfamiliar sensation.

There was a man lying on his stomach, one hand wrapped around a pillow and the other one on Steve’s chest!

“What the fuck is this?” he tried to see who the man was but could only make out a blond head on his stomach.

The man was sandwiched in between Steve’s legs, seemingly very comfortable there.

“Mmm-ten more minutes Steve. It’s Christmas,” the voice mumbled.

Just then the sound of loud, off key singing greeted his ears.

A little girl with brown pigtails and big brown eyes was singing the parody of Jingle Bells.

“Jingle Bells, Santa smells, Rudolph laid an egg!” She was giggling at the hilarity of it and holding what looked to Steve like a baby boy in her arms. “Merry Christmas!”

“Hmm-never mind, Steve,” the voice said, and then the man lifted his head to smile at the girl.

Steve would’ve known that face anywhere, even if it was eleven years since he’d seen him.

That face and that smile could belong to no one else but Danny Williams.

“Hey, monkey! Merry Christmas!” he said as he sat up to hug her, taking the baby from her arms as he did so.

The girl jumped up and down on the bed, yelling, “Come on Daddy, come on Dad let’s open the presents!”

“Presents before breakfast?” Danny pretended to be shocked. “Well, maybe just a few.”

“Yay!” the girl yelled.

Steve jumped off the bed and looked around frantically.

There were some sweats on a chair near the bed and he quickly pulled them on, intending to run out of there because this clearly was a hallucination.

Danny grabbed Steve’s arm. “Strong” coffee, Steve.”

Steve ran down the stairs and out in the street.

He looked around and had absolutely no idea where he was.

It looked like a suburb, but of where?

Not only that- it had snowed! There was snow on the ground!

“Hey Steve! Merry Christmas!” Steve looked at the couple who were coming over to him and tried to place them.

Holy shit- they were Danny’s parents!

“Mr. and Mrs. Williams?”

They laughed. “Why so formal all of a sudden, Steve?” Mrs. Williams asked. “You haven’t called us anything but “Mom” and “Dad” for years!”

“Uh, ok. Look, can I borrow your car?”

“Why? You have your own car right in the driveway there. Where are you going anyway? You and Danny always have the big Christmas breakfast and present opening production first thing in the morning.”Mrs. Williams looked concerned.

“We- I have to go pick something up. I’ll be back soon!” he assured them as he grabbed the keys he saw on the key ring by the front door.

He had to find out what the fuck had happened to his life!

*** 

Unfortunately, driving around did nothing to clarify Steve’s situation.

He had no idea where he was, except he knew it wasn’t Hawaii.

Then he saw the signs on the highway and realized where he was.

New Jersey!

How the hell did he end up in Jersey when he went to sleep in Hawaii?

More importantly, how the hell did he end up with Danny –and who were those kids?

His mind was reeling and he found himself getting short of breath.

He stopped in a mini-mall for some coffee, picking up a newspaper as he did so.

Yes, there was the date. December 25th, 2010! 

He was pleased with himself until he realized that knowing the date answered none of his questions.

“Hey Steve!” a cheery voice called him.

Steve turned around so fast he almost knocked over someone walking by him.

“Sorry,” he mumbled and looked for the owner of the voice who’d called his name.

It was the man from the liquor store last night-and he had Steve’s van!

“Merry Christmas Steve!” the man said, cheerfully.

“What the hell are you doing with my car? What am I talking about? What am I doing with Danny Williams, and two-children- in- New Jersey?”

“Get in, Steve and let me explain,” the man said, and Steve joined him in the car.

“What did you do to me?” he asked.

“Just breathe,” the guy instructed. “Now, I told you that you brought this on yourself, Mr. “I’ve got everything I need!”

“So, what? You thought I was cocky so you’re putting me on a PERMANENT ACID TRIP?”

“Calm down, Steve,” the man urged. “It’s not a punishment. We were all very impressed with what you did last night, so we wanted to give you what you wished for.”

“I never wished for this!”

“I asked you what you would wish for if you had one chance,” the man reminded him, mildly.

“I’m pretty sure I’d have remembered asking to be….married, or whatever I am –with kids- in New Jersey!”

“I can’t tell you anything, Steve. You have to figure things out for yourself.”

“I can’t be here!” Steve whined. “I have a very important job! People depend on me!”

“Yes, I know. You’re Super SEAL,” the man grinned at him. “Don’t worry Someone else is doing your job.”

“What? That’s impossible!”

The man laughed. “You’ve got a bit of an ego there, haven’t you Steve?”

Steve blushed.

“I didn’t mean it to sound that way.”

“That’s ok. You’ll see what you need to see.”

“Can you be any more cryptic?” Steve asked, sarcastically.

“I probably could, but I won’t be. I’m not trying to be difficult, but it’s the rule! Each person has to find their own way. But,” he reached into a bag and gave Steve a bell.

“What is this for?”

“Ring it when you need me.”

“Will you come whenever I call?”

The man shook his head. “No-but I will come if you really need something.”

“How long will this take?” Steve asked, petrified.

“As long as you need, Steve. Now get back in your car and go home.”

“That’s not my car. And that’s not my home!”

“It is now, Steve!”

“Oh very funny,” Steve muttered, but he did get out of the car.

Now what the hell was he going to do?

Home.

Home to Danny.

For a moment that sounded so familiar, and very inviting.

Then the panic returned.

This couldn’t be! This wasn’t his life!

Except it was, for now.

***** 

He found his way back to the house thanks to the GPS, and walked in to find Danny on the phone, waving his arms around and yelling.

“I-“he stopped when he saw Steve and said, “He’s here. I’ll call you later.”

“Steve!” Danny bounded the few steps that separated them and enveloped him in a hug.

“What the hell happened to you? Where have you been? We’ve all been out of our minds with worry!”

Steve didn’t move for a moment.

He was overwhelmed by the feeling of Danny’s arms around him once again.

Then he realized Danny had pulled back and was eyeing him suspiciously.

“Are you ok? What happened?”

Steve didn’t know what to say. “I-uh, I had to go somewhere?”

“You had to go somewhere? Where could you POSSIBLY have had to go that would’ve been more important than spending Christmas morning with your family? I thought you were downstairs making coffee and my parents tell me that you went out for a minute.

Six hours later and I’m thinking you were in a car crash or suddenly had gotten sick, maybe fell and hit your head and could no longer remember who you were-because that would be the only explanation that you wouldn’t be home for Christmas!”

“Ow, please don’t yell,” Steve said as he felt a massive headache coming on. “I’m kind of having a bad day.”

“YOU are having a bad day? Why?”

“I- you don’t understand. This isn’t my life!”

“Oh, don’t fucking start. It’s not even funny!”

“I’m not trying to be-“

“You didn’t even get to see Grace’s face when she opened her bike, after we spent so much time trying to find the perfect one for her. You missed the pancakes you love so much. You missed all the presents. You totally missed Christmas!” Danny started yelling again and doing some more wild gesturing.

“I- I’m sorry?” was all he could think to say.

“Oh, forget it. Let’s just get ready for the party.”

“Party? What party?” Steve started to panic. How could he go to a party when he knew nothing about his own life? “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Damn, what is wrong with you? You look forward to this every year-but you know what? If you want to stay here then I’ll tell my Mom she doesn’t have to watch the kids”

“Why not?” Steve had an uneasy feeling about the answer.

“Because you’ll be here.”

“No!” He took the phone from Danny. “It’s ok. I’ll be ready in a few minutes.”

Danny shook his head. “Ok, fine.”

Steve went upstairs to where he remembered the bedroom was and walked toward the closet.

The top of the dresser had some photos that caught his eye.

There was one of he and Danny, obviously taken around the time he’d left-well, he’d left in his real life. In this life he’d done-what? Stayed? Come back?

He looked at the photo and couldn’t help smiling.

They looked so young and hopeful.

There was a photo taken on what he assumed was their commitment ceremony. They were both dressed in tuxedos and had similar expressions on their faces.

A combination of nervousness and happiness.

There was another one taken at the ceremony.

There was only one way to explain their expression in that one.

Absolute love and joy.

A few other photos surrounded those. He and Danny with the little girl he called Grace when she was a baby, looking even more nervous than they had in their wedding photo.

And there they were with the boy whose name Steve still didn’t know.

“Fuck-how am I supposed to live here if I know nothing about this life?” He started ringing the bell.

A little head peeked in the door. “Hey Dad, you got me a bell for my bike!”

“Oh-no, this is mine!” He said, realizing how silly that sounded.

Grace giggled. “Oh Dad, you’re so funny!” She ran to him and threw her arms around him.

The force of the emotion he felt from her-and for her-stunned him.

He tentatively patted her hair.

She took the bell and tugged at him to pick her up.

He did so and she kissed him on the cheek.

He felt like the wind was knocked out of him.

What the hell was this?

He put her down gently and she ran out of the room, yelling “Thanks, Dad!”

“Dad,” Steve repeated.

He still couldn’t believe it


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve tries to navigate his new life-with a little help from Grace!

****

The party was fun (although he really didn’t understand why he would look forward to it all year).

Well, it was fun until one of the hosts started to flirt with him. Steve looked frantically around for Danny.

He was deep in a conversation with some of the couples there and didn’t notice.

He excused himself from his overeager host and grabbed Danny.

“That- man- was flirting with me!”

“That man? Steve-that’s our friend, Joe.”

“Some friend he is if he’s flirting with me!” Steve was indignant, and more than a little peeved that Danny wasn’t jealous.

“He knows he doesn’t have a chance in hell .He also knows that if he seriously tried anything I would kill him.” Danny waved to Joe as he said this.” Yeah, great party Joe,” he smiled.

“Oh,” Steve said, somewhat mollified. “Still, I don’t like him doing that. I wouldn’t like it if he did that to you.’ He said without thinking. What was he doing? He was acting like this was real or something!

“Well, that’s different,” Danny said and grinned at him. “You are a Neanderthal and I’m not.”

“Fuck you very much,” Steve replied.

Danny laughed. “Maybe later-if you’re lucky,” he said and he slipped his hands around Steve’s waist.

Holy shit, what- oh fuck. I forgot how good this felt! Steve fought to keep those emotions to himself, but a flicker of them must’ve been in his eyes because Danny’s grin became a full out smile, and once again Steve was sent back in time.

That smile got to him. Every single time.

Then Danny leaned in and kissed him lightly on the lips.

“Hey look, it’s the two lovebirds, at it again!” one of the guys said.

“Jeez, Steve and Danny you wouldn’t think you’d been together eleven years the way you two are always going at it.” Someone else put in.

“I think it’s sweet,” a woman who had identified herself as Jeanie said.

“How do you guys do that, with the jobs you have and the kids and all? Paul and I are always exhausted,” some other man asked.

“It’s a secret,” Danny said and winked at Steve.

“I –need some water,” Steve hurried into the kitchen to get some water and hurriedly gulped it down.

So, he and Danny weren’t only together (and had been so for eleven years).

They were still apparently very happy.

Steve suddenly felt a sense of loss.

He had none of this in his real life.

“Hey, babe, you ok?” Danny came behind him and hugged him. Steve could feel his warmth and a sense memory of what Danny felt like in his arms, in his bed came back to him in a flash.

“Let’s get out of here, ok?” he asked.

Danny smiled. “Sure. Anything you want.”

***

They ran up the stairs to the bedroom, laughing.

Danny grabbed Steve’s hand and pulled him onto the bed.

“The kids are asleep! Mom has gone home! Time to celebrate!”

Steve smiled and lay down on the bed as Danny started to take off his clothes.

“Well, come on,” Danny said as he pulled off his shirt. “Usually you are stripped down by the time I get my shirt off. You always tell me I wear too many clothes.”

“Oh,” Steve hadn’t realized he hadn’t moved since Danny started taking his clothes off.

He was too busy looking at that body revealing itself to him after all these years.

He drew in a breath and Danny stopped what he was doing.

“What?”

“I –just, it always gets to me. How –how good you look.” Steve felt his face get hot.

“Steve McGarrett, you’re blushing! And thank you for the compliment. Now come on, get those clothes off.”

Steve started to slowly remove his clothes, disappointed when Danny stopped removing his own after Steve took off his pants.

“I just have to kiss you,” Danny said as he slid in between Steve’s legs and moved up his body to kiss him.

This was their first real kiss in eleven years, Steve thought as he gave into the sensations he’d half remembered all that time.

He flipped them over and caressed Danny’s face. “God, you- you are beautiful, aren’t you?”

“Beautiful? “ Danny smiled. “Thank you. I don’t think you’ve said that before.”

“No? Well I should be saying it every day. You are. You always were a good looking guy, and sexy. But now- you- God, Danny-“his voice trailed off as Danny reached up and touched his lips.

“How do you do that?” he asked.

“What?”

“Look at me like you haven’t seen me every day in the past eleven years.”

“I-“Steve didn’t know what to say to that.

Just then they heard crying from the baby monitor.

“Oh, that’s Josh,” Danny moved off the bed. “I’ll take care of him. You just remember where we were.” He smiled and went to take care of the baby.

“Josh- that’s our son’s name,” he said when Danny had left the room.

Then he realized what he said.

“Wait-this isn’t real. He’s not my son and Danny is NOT my husband. And- I can’t make love to him. It would be wrong. Like I was tricking him or something.”

But God, he looked and felt so good.

Even better than he remembered.

Still, it was wrong. And Steve didn’t do things like that.

Did he?’

No, he couldn’t.

So he did the only thing he knew would keep him from giving into temptation.

He pretended he was asleep when Danny came back in the room.

Danny groaned in frustration but covered Steve with the blanket and kissed him goodnight.

****

Danny moved to Steve’s side of the bed almost immediately.

Shit, Steve thought.

Danny flopped one leg over Steve’s hip and nuzzled into Steve’s shoulder.

Steve felt Danny’s breath on him and had an urge to stroke his hair.

So he did.

When Danny’s arm went around Steve’s waist he knew he needed to get out of there.

He quietly got up and went into the den.

When he could breathe normally again, Steve decided it was time to look for clues about his and Danny’s life.

After all, if he was going to be here he’s got to know what to expect. He’d tried ringing the stupid bell, but the angel or whoever the hell he was didn’t answer.

It was up to Steve to do a little snooping.

***

An hour later Steve found out that him and Danny did have a commitment ceremony eleven years ago, and that he and Danny had joined the police force

They’d done so well that they became detectives-decorated ones, in fact.

What he still didn’t know was why he joined the force instead of going into the Navy, and how he and Danny ended up with two children-in New Jersey.

He sighed and went back to bed. Danny had rolled back over to his side, much to Steve’s relief.

He really wanted to try and avoid temptation as much as possible.

 

***

 

It became harder to avoid temptation the next morning when Steve saw Danny nude for the first time in eleven years.

It started out innocently enough. The baby was crying and Steve thought he should be a responsible parent and-tell Danny to take care of it.

He opened the bathroom door to find Danny in the shower. He was singing and playing air guitar, moving his hips around suggestively.

“When you came in the air went out,

Steve had to yell a few times before Danny could hear him.

Danny shoved open the shower door and said, “What?”

Steve’s mouth dropped open and his eyes must have looked like they were going to pop out of his head, because Danny gave him a smile and said, “You like what you see? Damn, Steve I ‘m flattered. You’re looking at me like you never see me naked!”Steve couldn’t answer so Danny continued. “What is it? Oh, do you want to come in with me? I told you if you wanted some shower fun in the morning you have to get up earlier!”

Steve finally managed to tear his eyes away from Danny and looked at the floor.

“The-baby is crying.”

Danny squinted at him. “Well, he probably needs to be changed. Go ahead and change him! “

Steve must’ve looked shocked because Danny laughed at him. “You know this is your day to take care of the kids. And please get Josh to daycare on time this morning!”

Steve still didn’t say anything and Danny just smiled, closed the doors and continued to sing…

“I don’t know what you’ve done to me, but before this night is through- I’m gonna do real bad things with you.”

Steve had to sit down on the bed for a moment to collect himself.

*****

He had no idea what to do with a baby.

Steve stared at him and finally tried taking off the diaper.

The smell almost knocked him out.

“Jeez- oh God!” he moaned. Then he sternly said, “Come on, you were a Navy SEAL, and you can do this!”

Grace came in and stared at him, concern in her eyes.

“You have to put the diaper in the basket there.”

“Oh, thanks. Now what?”

“Use that on him.” She pointed to the wipes on the table.

“Oh, thanks,” he said again.

She stared at him, unblinking.

“What’s the matter honey?” he asked after he grew uncomfortable under her unwavering gaze.

“You aren’t my Dad!”

“Oh, yes-“he sighed. “No, I’m not. And I’m kind of at a loss here because I don’t know your Dad and I don’t know what to do.”

“Where’s my Dad?” Grace yelled, her eyes filling with tears.

“I don’t know, honey. But I know he loves you and will be back soon. I really live in Hawaii and I’m a Navy SEAL and I’m running a taskforce to catch bad guys.”

Grace blinked at him. “You’re not a seal!”

Steve laughed. “Not that kind of seal, honey. It’s a Navy term. It’s a part of the Navy.”

Grace continued to look both unconvinced and unhappy.

“I want my Dad,” she said and stuck her lower lip out in a perfect imitation of Danny’s pout.

“Oh, Grace. I know. And hopefully he’ll be back soon. But until then can you help me? Help me figure out what to do around here?”

Grace considered it.

“Well, if you do some things for me.”

Steve noted the mischievous look in her eyes that was so much like Danny’s and sighed.

He was so screwed.

“How old are you, Grace?’

“I’m nine,” she said, proudly.

Oh great, Gracie was a master bargainer at the age of nine. He and Danny were going to have their hands full with her when she- What the hell was he talking about? He was NOT going to be here when Grace reached her teenage years, or when she grew up.

He looked at her and for a moment that thought filled him with sadness.

“Ok, sweetie, what do you want?”

“I want you to let me show you how to play with kids so you can make a snowman with me and we can have snowball fights.”

Steve couldn’t think of anything he’d rather be doing less, but he smiled and agreed.

She shook her head, happily. “Ok, you can stay.”

“Thanks honey,” Steve grinned in spite of himself, and felt that strange warmth again when Grace hugged him.

****

After he’d dropped Josh off at daycare he drove Grace to school. As she was walking away he realized he had no idea where he worked.

“Gracie? Where do I go?”

“To the police station,” she wrinkled her nose as if he should’ve known this.

“I know. But where is it?”

Grace shrugged but said, “It’s on the car.”

“The GPS? Ok, I’ll find it. I hope.” He said as he waved goodbye to Grace.

****

Steve walked nervously into the police department.

He knew logically that no one would know he was an imposter, but he still didn’t have a clue what he was supposed to be doing.

“Hey Steve!” Several people called to him and he smiled and said hello as though he knew who they were.

Danny saw him and gave him a big smile.

“Hey,” he said, lightly squeezing Steve’s arm.

“Hey,” he looked around, not knowing if any of these people knew he and Danny were “husbands.”

“Get some coffee. We have a new case to go over,” Danny placed his hand on Steve’s back and softly rubbed it.

Steve looked around. Nobody was paying any attention to them.

Maybe they did know.

What Steve didn’t know was-where the fuck was the coffee machine? And more importantly, his desk?

He spotted the coffee machine finally and a glance around the room showed him that his desk was next to Danny’s.

A glance at both of their desks showed him the answer to his other question.

Both of their desks were adorned with pictures of the kids and the two of them together.

So, everyone knew and apparently were ok with it?

He’d have to find out how that came about as well.

In the meantime he had to focus on this case Danny was talking about.

***

Steve found himself really getting into the case, and going out with Danny to follow up on leads. He shared easiness with Danny, as though they really had been together all these years.

It was comforting and disconcerting at the same time.

He noticed that they pretended to bicker a lot on the job, particularly in the car.

He remembered they used to do that so many years ago and laughed to himself when he realized that no matter what universe he and Danny were in they’d always behave the same.

***

When they caught the suspects Steve automatically went into SEAL mode, threatening and trying to dangle one of the suspects off a roof.

Danny looked at him like he was an alien. “What the fuck are you doing? Stop that!” and he pulled the man back onto the roof. “What are you on something?”

Steve didn’t know how to answer that. Wasn’t this an effective way to get information out of a suspect?

Danny read the man his Miranda rights and cuffed him.

Back in the car Danny looked at Steve as though he’d suddenly sprung another head.

“What was wrong with you back there? Since when do you hang a suspect off a roof? You’re the one who’s always preaching to me about following the letter of the law!”

“I am? Oh, yeah, I am aren’t I? Well, it just seemed to me like he wouldn’t talk unless we did something drastic.”

“Something-“Danny got red and he started sputtering. “Something drastic? You could’ve blown our whole case for Christ’s sake! You know the drill better than anyone, Steve. You read them their rights, you book them and then you do some actual interrogation!”

“I-“ Steve was going to say that it seemed like a waste of valuable time but wisely kept silent. “You’re right, of course. I don’t know where my head is.”

“Damn straight, I’m right! Fuck, you know even if he gave us information we couldn’t use it in court if you got it that way!”

“We couldn’t- oh yeah, I know that.”

“Hey,” Steve turned to find Danny watching him with a worried look on his face. “I’m worried about you. First you got all freaked out over something yesterday and now today you’re hanging a suspect off a roof. I told you, you’ve got to take it easier. I know the Salvo case has us all strung out, but we still have to function on our other cases. More importantly, we have to function for our kids. Right?”

Steve blinked a few times. “Yeah- you’re right.” He sighed as Danny gently rubbed his neck. “You got too much tension there. I’ll take care of some of that for you later,” Danny said with a smile.

Steve closed his eyes and let out a deep breath.

Something about this felt so familiar, but he couldn’t figure out why.

The whole conversation was intimate, but he didn’t see why that would make it seem familiar.

One thing was certain.

Danny and “Steve” obviously were partners in every sense of the word.

***

Steve let Danny take the lead in the interrogation, holding back when he wanted to smash the guy’s head into the desk.

“How the hell did Danny stand having to go through all this just to get the man to confess?” he wondered. He was ready to hurt the man, or at least wipe that stupid smirk off his face.

He eventually felt more comfortable and joined in the questioning. Between the two of them they had the guy’s confession in a fairly short time, which mollified Steve somewhat.

He sighed.

There was obviously a lot more he had to learn about this law enforcement business.

***

Steve made sure to pick up Grace and Josh on time, and listened to Grace tell him all about her day. She also told him everything Josh was likely to have done in daycare that day.

Then she insisted he sing with her.

Steve resisted at first, but seeing her face get that “I’m going to cry” look made him hastily change his mind.

She led him in a spirited version of “Mockingbird,” which was a song that Steve at least knew, sort of.

Thankfully.

***

When they came up the walk, Steve could see Danny through the window and he got this peaceful feeling inside.

It felt like he had come home.

***

The children, especially Grace, were loud and there was a lot of laughing and teasing during dinner, and Steve just observed it all.

He liked it.

He was less thrilled with the “helping Grace with her homework,” part, but he made it through.

They got the kids ready for bed, read Grace a story and then watched as Danny sang to Josh.

Steve went downstairs to get a beer.

***

Danny found him in the living room, deep in thought.

“Steve?”

Steve looked up and smiled.

“You look like you’re in another world,” Danny smiled.

If you only knew, he thought.

Danny took his hand and said, “Come on. Let’s go to bed. I promised you I’d work on getting rid of some of that tension for you.”

Steve froze. He still didn’t think it was right for him to be with Danny sexually. Even if he did feel a weird sense of belonging here, the fact was that he really didn’t.

“Um, you go ahead. I’ll be up in a little while.”

“Ok, now I’m really getting worried. You never turn down a massage! Especially since you know what happens after the massage,” Danny whispered the last part in Steve’s ear and Steve could feel heat throughout his body from Danny’s breath.

“I know-right?” Steve said with a laugh that sounded more like a strangled sound. “I’m just-I don’t know how to explain it. I just thought I’d have a drink here and listen to some music. I don’t want to keep you up, though. I know you’re tired.”

Danny continued to look worried, but he said ok, kissing Steve goodnight and going upstairs to bed.

 ____


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frustration over certain aspects of his new life cause conflict between Steve and Danny.  
> Steve uncovers more about his and Danny's marriage and has an unexpected revelation.

A Week Later- New Year’s Eve  
""""""

“Come on, Steve. We’re going to be late!” Danny came into the bedroom and started fixing Steve’s tie.

Steve sighed.

He really didn’t want to go to this party, but apparently this was another thing “Steve” had looked forward to every year.

Steve alternated between feeling like he was getting a handle on this world and feeling like he was going to punch someone or something. It was hard keeping up with everyone Steve and Danny knew and socialized with. And Danny’s family! He had only met the whole family once, and he’d forgotten how loud they could be.

Not that he didn’t like them, and obviously the other Steve had loved them and vice versa, but they were-loud.

And there were so many of them to keep track of!

Steve sometimes felt like he was in way over his head and he hated that feeling.

He felt that at work sometimes, too. He always felt comfortable when he and Danny were together, but there was just so many times he could let Danny think he’d forgotten something about one of their squad. They all had been together a long time, apparently.

He and Danny still hadn’t made love, and he could tell that Danny was worried.

They evidently had an extremely active sex life.

It was getting more and more difficult to resist, and Steve could feel his nerves starting to fray. He had a suspicion that Danny was getting frustrated as well

*** 

Steve tried to put any negative thoughts aside and just enjoy the evening, and he did.

The annoying guy Joe was still flirting with him and Steve had to hold himself back from hitting him, but otherwise he found himself relaxing and having fun.

He’d resisted when Danny asked him to dance, but he did and once he started he liked it.

The thing he really liked about it was holding Danny close when they danced.

Danny had this habit of singing along with the music while he kept his face nuzzled on Steve’s chest, and Steve smiled at that.

When the countdown to New Year was finished Danny gave him a long, loving kiss and whispered, “Tonight, you’re mine.”

Steve moaned softly.

He wasn’t going to even try and resist that.

*** 

But when it came right down to it he couldn’t go through with it.

He pretended he’d had a little too much to drink and had fallen asleep.

Danny groaned but didn’t seem angry with him.

Steve waited until Danny fell asleep and got up and took a cold shower.

*** 

Two weeks later Steve had the news on when he saw Governor Jameson on TV.

They were talking about the task force,-HIS task force- which had taken down some high level human trafficking gang. Chin Ho Kelly,now the leader of the task force, was talking about the bust and how they had tracked the gang with the help of Kono Kalakaua, another member of the team.

Steve felt a sense of annoyance.

This was supposed to be his team and that should have been his bust!

Instead he was here, a detective in a homicide squad in New Jersey.

He forgot how proud he’d been feeling about being a part of the squad and just focused on how this should have been his moment.

He was missing out on his own life!

*** 

Steve was in what Danny called “a pissy mood” the rest of the day. It did not improve when it snowed and they had to shovel it.

He started picking up large piles of snow and throwing it off to one side, cursing under his breath.

Finally, Danny couldn’t take it anymore and he said, “What the FUCK is wrong with you?”

Steve didn’t say anything. He just made a huffing sound and continued shoveling the snow.

“Answer me! What’s got you so pissed off?”

Steve glared as snow got stuck on his eyelashes.

He threw the shovel down.

“Ok, you want to know why I’m pissed off? “

“Yeah!”

“I don’t like shoveling snow!”

Danny blinked at him and said, “What are you talking about? We’ve done this for years. You never minded it before. We always had fun when we shoveled the snow. We’d get into snowball fights all the time!”

Steve felt like his head was going to explode.

“You know, I’m sorry that I’m not the saint I was before! “

“What? Who said you were a saint?”

“You- ok, you didn’t say that. But it sounds like I was perfect and so happy before and I’m not.”

“You aren’t. What I don’t get is why. You seem so uncomfortable sometimes, and other times you’re fine. Sometimes you seem so happy with our life, and other times it seems like you’re frustrated. I don’t know what’s going on because you won’t talk to me, and it’s been weeks since we had sex!” Danny said that in one long breath while gesturing and pointing at Steve.

“I am frustrated!” Steve moved closer to Danny. “Why aren’t you? Really Danny, is this what you pictured our lives would be like? We work at jobs that are far from glamorous and get no recognition. We have two young children that demand constant attention, we have to run a house and your relatives are always around. No wonder I haven’t felt like having sex in a while!”

Danny looked stunned and then shook his head. “Wow. How long have you felt like this? Cause I gotta say, you gave a great impression of someone who was very happy with his life.”

“Danny”-

“You know what? I don’t want to talk about this now. I’m starting to feel very frustrated myself, and I don’t want to say anything I’ll regret. So I’ll just go in the house and check on our children and make dinner. I know - mind crushingly boring to you, but something I actually enjoy. So stay out here if you want. Oh and Steve- when you’re done shoveling the snow? Stick the shovel up your ass,” he said as walked inside the house, leaving Steve staring at him with his mouth open.

*** 

Steve did shovel the snow, and then he came in the house where Danny and the kids were having dinner.

Grace was chatting excitedly with Danny and Josh was trying to join in, gurgling happily.

Steve looked at them and felt heartsick.

He’d hurt Danny because he was frustrated with his life. Frustrated by not knowing what he was doing half the time, frustrated at seeing Chin lead his task force instead of him, frustrated because his life was so different than it had been a few months before.

He knew he’d have trouble adjusting to civilian life, and that was before he suddenly became a husband and a father.

It was such a change, and what was worse was that he still didn’t understand how they’d ended up here.

“Danny-“

“Steve,” Danny nodded at him, not wanting Grace to see that he was still upset.

“I finished shoveling the snow,” he said.

“Good,” Danny nodded again as he fed himself and Josh at the same time.

“Here, let me help you with that. You eat and I’ll feed Josh,” Steve rushed over to the table, hoping that Danny would take this as a peace offering.

“No, just get yourself some food. I got this,” Danny avoided his eyes.

“Danny-“

“Not now, Steve,” Danny said with a smile that did not reach his eyes.

“Ok.”

****

Steve waited until they had put the kids to bed before trying to talk to Danny again.

“Danny? Can we please talk about what happened? I’m sorry about before.”

Danny finished putting Josh’s toys away and looked at Steve. “Yeah, ok. I guess we should.”

*** 

They went downstairs and Danny went to get them a couple of beers, putting them down on the table and motioning for Steve to sit down.

Steve sat down and waited. Usually Danny could be counted on to say whatever was on his mind, but tonight he was uncharacteristically silent.

“Well? You wanted to talk?”

“Yeah- look, I’m really sorry about before.”

“You already said that,” Danny pointed out.

“I know, I know. Look, this is kind of hard for me so please bear with me. I just- haven’t you ever wondered how we ended up here? I mean-you know the plans we had back in New York. None of them looked like this, did they?”

Danny shook his head. “Well, we had some things happen that we didn’t expect.”

Steve smiled and said, “Yeah. What would you say was the biggest surprise, or at least the first one?”

“Well, you know the answer to that, Steve. After we had that big blowout over the phone I thought we’d never see each other again. But you shocked me when you showed up at my apartment the next day and said you didn’t want to live your life without me in it. And we spent the rest of the weekend in bed, making up. We had so many good times those two years, remember?”

Steve nodded, wishing he really did remember. “Yes, we did. So, the first surprise-“

“You know I never expected to be a father. I mean, when I agreed to be the donor for my friend Angela and her girlfriend I had no idea they’d break up. And when Angela came to me and said she was giving the baby up for adoption and did I want her I couldn’t say no. I’d already fallen in love with Grace. I couldn’t stand the thought of not having her in my life.” He looked at Steve. “You felt the same way.’

Steve hastened to agree. “Oh yes. I always loved Gracie, too,” he said.

“So after we’d agreed I’d adopt the baby we realized we’d have to give up school, at least temporarily and get jobs that paid fairly well.”

“Ah, that’s how we ended up in the police department!” Steve said under his breath.

“We also knew that we needed help. And my family was the closest. Also my family is so big there was always someone to help us if we needed it. Which we did, especially after we adopted Josh.”

Danny chuckled, remembering times they evidently had needed help, and Steve went along with him as though he remembered it, too.

“So, that was the end of Annapolis and NYU for us. We became officers and then detectives and we settled here in New Jersey.” Steve exhaled and looked at Danny. “Our life really got sidetracked, didn’t it?”

Danny looked at him in surprise. “I never heard you talk about it like that, but if that’s how you see it,” he said, obviously hurt.

“Hey, I didn’t mean it like I was sorry. It’s just- well, it’s not what we expected, right? And anyway, how do you see it?”

“The way I thought you did, Steve. As the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Before Steve could reply Danny got up and walked out.

“Danny, I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. Fuck!” Steve felt like banging his head against the wall.

The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Danny.

*** 

Not wanting to go upstairs and face Danny, Steve decided to stay downstairs until he thought Danny would be in bed.

Restless, he walked around the living room, stopping when he came to some DVD’s that were entitled “Steve and Danny.”

One of them was entitled “Danny’s birthday, 2009.”

He sat down to watch it.

They were having a party in the back, and all their family and friends were there. The same people he’d been seeing at the precinct and the various parties they’d been to.

One of their friends from the squad was filming and making comments about the guests. Then he announced that Steve was going to serenade Danny for his birthday.

“Danny, is today your birthday?” Steve smiled across the yard at Danny, who rolled his eyes and told him he was just “so funny.”

“Come here, babe,” Steve held out his hands and Danny came over to him.

Shit, thought Steve. You could see how much they loved each other just by looking at their eyes.

“Just remember to keep it clean, Steve,” Danny grinned. “Our family and our daughter are here.”

“Don’t worry,” Steve smiled back at him and then nodded to their friend Paul to start playing the piano.

“Oh my God, I’m actually going to sing to him in front of people!” Steve thought about the times they had sung to each other privately, usually teasing, but sometimes actually meaning it.

He never thought he’d do it in public, though!

He heard the strains of a familiar song and he couldn’t help but smile.

You and I, we've been at it so long, and still got the same strong fire,  
You and I, we still know how to talk, know how to walk that wire,  
Sometimes I feel like the world is against me, The sound of your voice,baby that's what saves me,  
When I'm with you I can feel so invincible.  
"Cause it's us against the world, you and me against them all, If you're listening to  
these words, know that we're standing tall, I don't ever see a time when I won't  
catch you when you fall,  
It's us against the world, tonight.

Steve watched as he and Danny smiled into each other’s eyes and he pulled Danny close to him, nuzzling his hair, whispering the song in his ear.

There'll be days, we'll be on different sides, but that doesn't last too long,We find ways to get it on track, we know how to turn back on, ...,

People were laughing and cheering him on as he continued to sing,and Danny kept giving him that smile, his eyes twinkling, obviously happy.

We're not gonna break 'cause we both still believe,  
we know what we've got, and we got what we need, alright, we're doing something right ,  
'Cause it's us against the world you and me against them all...I don't ever see the day when I won't catch you when you fall,  
And it's us against the world, tonight.  
All the guests applauded as Steve said, “Happy Birthday. I love you,” and kissed Danny.

The video ended after that.

Steve sat in the dark for a while before going up to bed.

**** 

When he went upstairs he found Danny already in bed, pretending to be asleep.

Danny was turned away from him and he flinched when Steve touched him on the shoulder.

“Danny, I know you’re awake,” Steve slid into bed next to him and stroked his back.

He was happy when Danny didn’t move away.

“I’m sorry about the way I acted tonight. Hell, I’m sorry about the way I’ve been acting. I never wanted you to think that I was unhappy, or that I didn’t want to be here.”

Silence.

“Danny, please answer. We always were able to talk, even if we sometimes ended up yelling at each other.”

Danny turned to Steve and gave him a look that Steve couldn’t quite decipher.

“I feel like you’re a million miles away from me, Steve.”

“I don’t want to be,” Steve said, and he realized with a start that he really didn’t want to be anywhere else but with Danny. “I really don’t. I just want to be here.”

Danny reached out to him then, pulling him down for a kiss, sighing when Steve melted into his body.

Steve found himself sighing, too.

They always did fit together so well.

“Danny?”

Danny looked at Steve and smiled. “Show me.”

Steve took his own clothes off as quickly as he could and then with trembling fingers started taking off the t-shirt and boxers Danny wore to bed.

Steve felt lost in Danny as he found himself touching and feeling, just reveling in the body he hadn’t touched in so long but remembered so well.

It all came flooding back-the feel of Danny’s skin under his hands, the way his skin tasted, the spots he liked to be touched, the places that tickled, the places that burned him.

The places that had Danny begging under him, writhing, moaning, whispering words of love to him.

When he was deep inside Danny it all came back.

The heat, the passion and the love came flooding back.

Steve found himself holding onto Danny, hard, lifting him so he could deepen their closeness.

They were both gasping and moaning when they each came, Danny murmuring “I love you” over and over and Steve hearing himself say, “I love you, too.”

He looked down at Danny and caressed his face. “All this time,” he said, “I never stopped loving you.”

Danny smiled. “That’s all I needed to hear,” he said.

Steve lay awake long after Danny fell asleep, his head on Steve’s chest.

Steve was stunned by his revelation to Danny.

All these years. All these wasted years. He’d never stopped loving Danny.

He’d been such a fucking fool all those years ago.

Such a fool. 

\---


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve enthusiastically tries to make up for lost time with Danny and the children,but the return of the mysterious man (or angel) could threaten their happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song referenced in this chapter is Green Day's "Last Night on Earth."

*****

From that night on, Steve spent every moment thanking the gods or the angels or whoever had put him here and tried to make up for lost time.

All the things that had made him so restless seemed so unimportant now that he realized that he had the things that really mattered.

He had a partner, someone who was as much his husband as if they’d been “legally” wed, and two children he adored.

And his partner and his children loved him back.

*** 

One morning Grace came bouncing into the room, yelling “It’s snowing! It’s snowing! We have to go on our sleds and make snow angels and have snowball fights and-“

“Hey, calm down there, Gracie,” Danny said with a smile. “We’re going to do all that- in one day?”

Steve snickered at him. “What’s the matter? You not up to it? Getting too old?”

Danny threw the pillow at him and Grace laughed, joining in the teasing. “Daddy’s too old! Daddy’s too old!”

“Very hilarious, Steve. Fu-Thank you very much. In case you’ve forgotten, we’re the same age” he threw another pillow and pretended to be annoyed as Steve and Grace collapsed into giggles on the bed.

“Get up, you two. We’ll see who’s not ‘up to it’!”

*** 

It was a perfect day.

They took turns taking Grace and Josh on the sleds, and at Grace’s insistence they did all make snow angels.

Danny went to put Josh down for his nap, and when he came outside Steve and Grace ganged up on Danny and threw a barrage of snowballs at him.

He laughed and fell to the ground, pretending to be crushed, and they threw themselves on him and rolled around.

Steve picked Grace up as they were going back into the house and she threw her arms around his neck.

“Dad! I knew you’d come back!” she said.

This time Steve didn’t have to think about what emotion he was feeling.

He knew.

“I love you too, Gracie,” he said as he kissed her cheek.

**** 

That night they made dinner and talked and laughed about the day, and after the kids went to bed they sat by the fireplace drinking coffee.

Steve looked through some music and smiled.

“What are you grinning at?” Danny asked. “I get suspicious when you get that grin on your face.”

“I want to dance with you,” Steve said.

“Really? Mr. “I won’t dance, don’t ask me?’ “

“Come on, Danny. Just one- a slow one.”

“Oh, well when you put it that way how can I say no?” Danny smiled and walked over to Steve.

Steve put the music on and Danny’s smile grew even wider as he heard the song that was playing.

 

I text a postcard, sent to you  
Did it go through?  
Sending all my love to you.  
You are the moonlight of my life every night  
Giving all my love to you  
My beating heart belongs to you  
I walked for miles 'til I found you  
I'm here to honor you  
If I lose everything in the fire  
I'm sending all my love to you.

With every breath that I am worth  
Here on Earth  
I'm sending all my love to you.  
So if you dare to second guess  
You can rest assured  
That all my love's for you…

My beating heart belongs to you  
I walked for miles 'til I found you  
I'm here to honor you  
If I lose everything in the fire  
Did I ever make it through?

“I’m never losing you again, Danny,” he whispered.

“What are you talking about? You never lost me!”

“I- mean, the way things were a few weeks ago. That won’t ever happen again.”

Danny searched Steve’s eyes and nodded.

“I know it won’t.”

*** 

They were getting ready to go to bed when Steve remembered he had to put more salt down in the driveway.

“Leave it, babe. I think we have enough,” Danny said.

“No, it’ll only take a few minutes. I’ll be right up.”

Danny sighed and said ok, mumbling about “control freaks’ and “anal retentive people”.

Steve laughed.

** 

“Hey Steve,” a familiar (and very unwelcome voice) called to him.

Steve froze as he was putting the salt away.

He turned around slowly. “What are you doing here?”

The man smiled at him. “You look good Steve! You look so-happy, so content. You don’t look like you’re haunted anymore. You’ve figured out what you need Steve?”

Steve glared at him. “Yes, I did. Now, why are you here?”

The man just looked at him as though it should be obvious.

“Oh no! No you don’t!” Steve started yelling. “You can’t do that! You can’t keep coming into people’s lives, changing them drastically and then pulling them out again. You just can’t! It’s not fucking right! What kind of a goddamn angel are you, anyway?”

“Steve, a glimpse is only temporary. You knew this would happen someday.”

“No- fuck it, just no! I found out what I needed and where I belong! I have someone who loves me and whom I love more than I thought possible. I have two kids who love and depend on me. I am NOT leaving them. You understand me? I’m going upstairs and kiss my kids goodnight and be with my husband. And if you even try and take me I will kill you.”

“Steve, you need to calm down. There’s really nothing I can do about it.”

“Oh yes, there is,” Steve said, although he had no idea what that would be.

He walked away without saying goodbye.

**** 

Steve went into the children’s rooms, watching them sleep, kissing them.

He wanted to burn their memory into his brain in case he really did have to leave.

And Steve knew, though he railed and ranted against it, that he really didn’t have a choice.

He whispered to Grace, “Goodbye sweetheart. I have to leave again. I love you. Take care of Josh and Daddy for me.”

Grace woke up for a moment and squinted at him. Rubbing her eyes she asked if it was morning.

“No sweetie, it isn’t. Go back to sleep. I love you.”

“Mmm, love you too, Dad,” she said and fell back to sleep.

*** 

Danny was reading when Steve came in.

“Hey, what took you so long?” Danny asked.

“Oh, just got a little sidetracked. Doing a couple of other things in the garage.”

“Really? Why?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Just felt like taking care of a couple of things.”

Danny put his book down and placed his hands on either side of Steve’s face.

“Steve, what is it?”

Steve grabbed Danny’s hands, lifting one palm to kiss it. “Promise me, if anything should happen, that you’ll remember me? You’ll remember us, remember this night?”

“What the hell? Steve, are you ok? You’re making me nervous. What’s going to happen?”

“I’m not saying anything will. I’m just asking that if anything does happen that you remember me- us.”

“Stop talking like that,” Danny said and hugged Steve as hard as he could.

“Just promise!”

“Ok,” Danny said. “But nothing is going to happen to either of us, so this is a ridiculous conversation we’re having when we could be making love right now.”

Steve smiled. He knew that was the most he’d get out of Danny, but it was enough.

“You’re right,” he said. “No use wasting any time.”

They made love like it really was the “last night on earth,” and Steve had a strong feeling that for him, in this world at least, it was.

He stayed awake as long as he could, just watching Danny sleeping, listening to his breathing, the beating of his heart.

He wanted to hold onto this as long as he could.

~~~~~~


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is returned to his old life and is determined to reconnect with Danny. Unfortunately,Danny is getting ready to move back to New Jersey! Will Steve be able to get through to him in time?

****.

When he woke the sun was streaming through the window.

Steve didn’t even have to open his eyes to know that Danny wasn’t next to him.

The sense of loneliness and emptiness was enough to let him know that.

He looked anyway, just to be sure.

Sure enough he was back home in his own bed.

Alone.

He closed his eyes, hoping that when he opened them again Danny would be draped over him the way he was most mornings. He tried to feel the warmth that was Danny, tried to hear the soft noises Danny made in his sleep.

There was nothing.

He waited, refusing to give up the hope that maybe this was the dream and he was going to wake up to the sounds of laughter from Grace and the sweet sounds Josh made when he was happy. He could swear he did hear them, could swear he could hear Grace’s feet running down the hall, hear Josh squealing in delight, waited to hear Danny’s sleep filled voice begging for just a few more minutes and then smiling at Steve and the kids with that “kid on Christmas morning smile” he always had when he woke up and greeted them.

Steve waited as long as he could, and then he had to open his eyes.

Nobody was here and nobody lived in this house but him.

He was alone.

He looked down at his hand and saw the bottle he’d been drinking before he went to sleep.

Well, he was alone except for the bottle.

Disgusted with himself and more than a little depressed, Steve tried to process what had happened.

He wondered how long he’d been asleep and what day it was.

Turning the TV on he discovered it was Christmas Day.

So what had happened? Was it really just a very long, very detailed dream?

No, it had seemed too real. No dream had ever been like that.

It had really happened. He’d somehow had a glimpse of a life he could’ve had, a life maybe being lived by an alternate version of him somewhere.

Steve usually scoffed at things like that, but he knew it had happened.

All of it.

He hurriedly took a shower, dressed and ran out the door without thinking.

He knew where he was going.

He was going to Danny.

He got information and found out that Danny’s house was not that far away from him, and he could feel his heart start pounding harder the closer he got to Danny’s.

He parked in front of the house and froze behind the wheel.

What the fuck was he going to say to Danny? “I’m still in love with you and I’m sorry. Please give me another chance?”

He didn’t care how it sounded. He was going to tell Danny how he felt.

He didn’t intend to let him go again.

Taking a deep breath, Steve knocked on the door.

*****

“Yes? Can I help you?” a man, obviously not Danny answered the door.

“I- I’m looking for Danny Williams,” Steve said, nervously.

“Come in,” the man said, stepping out of the way to let Steve through. “Danny? Some guy’s here to see you.”

Steve stepped into the house, realizing with a start that there were people packing up boxes all over the room.

From another room he heard Danny’s voice, “Yeah, who is it?” and then his face broke out into a huge smile when he saw Steve’s face.

Steve looked at Danny and it was all he could do to keep from throwing himself into his arms.

He looked exactly the way he did in his “glimpse” of the life they could’ve had.

Danny walked toward him and hugged him, saying “God, it’s good to see you! It’s been a long time! How’ve you been?”

Steve grabbed onto Danny tightly, until Danny was laughing and saying “Hey there, Steve. You’re squeezing me!”

“Oh, sorry, Danny,” he pulled away unwillingly. “It’s just; I haven’t seen you in so long. You look great!”

Danny stepped back, holding onto Steve’s arms as he did so. “So do you,” he said softly. “So, how are you?” he asked again.

“Good-“Steve looked at the boxes and asked the obvious question. “Are you moving?”

Danny looked around and smiled a little sadly. “Yeah. Isn’t that ironic? I’ve lived here for two years and you were somewhere else. A Navy SEAL was the last I heard. And now you’re back and I’m moving away.”

Steve wondered if the sad smile was one of regret, or a smile at the irony of how the Universe liked to play tricks on you.

“Where are you going?”

“Back home to Jersey,” Danny smiled, but his eyes still had that hint of sadness to them.

“Why?” Steve blurted out. “I mean, you’ve been living here. Why go back? Didn’t you like it here?”

Danny sighed. “Well, it was alright. You know me, I always liked the city. I only came out here because my partner got a job here and it was a big advancement for his career.”

Steve’s heart sank when he heard the word “partner”.

“We broke up about six months ago, so I figured I might as well go home, you know? Lots of family there, and friends I’ve had forever.” He grinned at Steve. “I never got used to the sand, and believe it or not I missed the snow. Plus, I have a daughter, and my Mom’s been after me to come home with her.”

Steve’s eyes opened wider upon hearing Danny had a daughter and was just about to ask about her when Danny said, “Wow, Steve, I wish we could talk longer. But I have to finish packing this stuff up. I’m leaving tonight and this stuff is going to follow me out tomorrow.”

“Tonight? You’re leaving tonight?” Steve knew he sounded panicked, but he didn’t care.

Danny nodded. “Seven o’clock tonight, nonstop on United!” He started to say something else but his attention was diverted when some guys almost toppled over one of the boxes.

“You want to go for a cup of coffee?” Steve asked.

“I ‘m sorry Steve, but I can’t.. You know how it is traveling during the holidays.”

“Danny?” Steve asked, “Do you ever think about us? About what might’ve been?”

Danny looked surprised and a little sad .For a moment he thought Danny was going to answer him, but then he said, “The next time you come to New Jersey look me up. We’ll have some coffee and you can meet my daughter. My parents took her to Disneyworld for the holiday. They knew I’d be busy finalizing my transfer.” A loud crash distracted him and he went over, groaning, “Come on, guys, please! This is my daughter’s stuff!”

Steve looked at Danny, so wrapped up in what he was doing, his head bent forward and his tongue sticking out a little. Steve remembered how he would do that anytime he was concentrating on something and it made him smile.

It also made him sad.

Clearly Danny had put the past behind him and was on his way back home.

Steve left the house without Danny noticing.

****

When Steve got home he went for a swim.

He meditated on every stroke, going over what had happened to him in the alternate world (or glimpse)

He thought of Danny’s face when he’d asked if Danny ever thought of them and what might have happened if things had been different.

Meaning, if Steve had the guts to go for what he really wanted back then.

Steve already knew the answer to that, but Danny didn’t.

It would have been amazing.

He got dressed and glanced at the clock.

If he hurried he’d still have time to get to the airport before Danny left.

***

Steve drove as fast as he could to get to the airport on time, impatiently waving people out of his way.

He parked his car in front of the terminal, flashing his badge when a traffic cop said he couldn’t park there.

He ran to the terminal and saw the familiar blond head at the head of the line.

Steve yelled out, “Danny!”

Danny turned around, looking confused and a bit concerned.

Steve didn’t blame him. He obviously must seem like a deranged man. Showing up in Danny’s life and demanding to know if Danny ever wondered about him was bad enough. Showing up at the airport screaming his name must seem, well, deranged.

Danny got off the line and walked over to him.

“Steve, what are you doing here? “

Suddenly faced with that question, Steve found he had no answer.

“I- Danny…”

“Steve, what’s the matter? “ Danny’s face had the concerned look you might give a person who had deep psychological problems.

“Danny, please. Don’t get on that plane. Let’s just get some coffee and talk.”

Great, now he sounded even more deranged, if that were possible.

Danny seemed to think so as well, because his face screwed up into one of his “Steve, what is the matter with you?” faces Steve remembered so well.

Well, he would remember it well. To him it had happened last night.

“Steve, listen,” Danny came to him and laid his hand on Steve’s arm. “What is wrong? Do you need-closure or something? I can give you that. I was wrecked when we broke up, but you know-I moved on. I’m fine, really I am. So don’t worry about me, ok?”

“Danny, you never answered me.”

“Steve, what are you even talking about? I’m sorry; I can’t do this right now. I’ve got to go. Take care of yourself, and look me up if you come to New Jersey.”

Danny turned to leave and Steve called out:

“I asked if you ever thought about us. About what might have been.”

Danny stopped walking and turned around.

“Steve, it was a long time ago. Just let it go. You made your choice.” He walked back to the front of the line.

Steve watched Danny get his boarding pass and said to himself, Fuck no! There’s no way I’m letting this go- not again. Not this time.

So he yelled out, “Danny! Please come back here! I had a glimpse of what happened to us! We – have a house in Jersey!” Steve realized how ridiculous that sounded, but he hoped maybe sheer curiosity (or the desire to shut him up) would cause Danny to come back and talked to him.

Danny turned around and stared at him so Steve kept talking.

“I came back the next day after we had that fight. I told you I didn’t want to live my life without you in it. We spent the whole weekend in bed!” Steve stopped for a second as he realized how loud he was talking. Several people were looking at him but he didn’t care.

Danny took a few steps toward him. “Steve,” he said softly, and Steve didn’t know if that meant he was listening or that he was trying to calm him because Danny thought he was crazy.

“We stayed together. We went through with our commitment ceremony eleven years ago!”

Danny continued to walk toward him, saying, “Steve, calm down.”

“No! Please, just listen to me. We left school, and we joined the police department. We became detectives!”

Danny stood still. “How did you know I was a detective?”

“What? I- didn’t know!” Steve smiled. “That tells you something, doesn’t it? How would I know that?”

“It’s not exactly a secret. You could’ve found out some way.”

“But I didn’t-Danny, I didn’t even know you lived here until yesterday.” He hurriedly went on. “We left school because you adopted a baby. You had been a donor for your friend and she couldn’t keep her. It was a girl. You told me you have a daughter!”

Danny walked toward him more purposefully, and he looked angry. “What the fuck did you do? Did you check up on me or something? How could you know all that?”

“I told you.”

“Steve, stop it!”

“Your daughter’s nine years old, and she’s the sweetest little girl. She’s smart and she can wrap us around her finger. And her smile-“Steve got overcome with emotion thinking of Grace, missing her already. “Danny, her smile is just like yours.”

“Tell me how you know all this, Steve! I don’t like people looking into my family life.”

“Danny, do you have pictures of your daughter on the internet?”

“Well, no.”

“Then how would I know otherwise? I didn’t have time to hire a P.I., you know.”

Danny started shaking his head. “This is not possible.”

“Her name is Grace.”

Danny looked up at him and by his expression Steve knew he was right, so he kept talking.

“We had a son, too. Josh. We adopted him together. He’s still at the gurgling, say a few words stage but we know he’s smart. He knows everything that’s going on, and he’s such a happy baby. And we-we’ve had to make sacrifices and we work hard. But, we’re happy.” Steve closed his eyes, remembering it.  
“We’re so happy, and we’re still in love. So much so that people around us can hardly believe it. But we are. As though it really were all those years ago, when we were just starting out. Maybe it was all a dream brought on by memories of you, but how do you explain all I know if that’s the case? And even if it was just a dream, I swear it felt so real. More real than anything’s felt in my life for a long time. Nothing’s been so real since the last time I saw you. And if you leave now, it’ll just disappear. I know we could go on with our lives and be ok, but I’ll tell you- I’ve seen us together, what we could be like, what our lives could be like. And Danny, this time it’s me saying I choose us. And I promise that from now on I will choose us. Every single time.”

“Steve,” Danny closed the last few feet between them and took Steve’s hands.

“I- I don’t even know what to say. I have a life, a daughter. I already quit HPD and am moving back home.”

Steve held tightly onto Danny’s hands, not wanting to let him go. “You could work with me! You could be my partner! You could cancel the movers and stay at the place you were living at if you haven’t sold it, or if you were renting it you could ask the landlord if you could stay!" _Or you could come home and live with me,where you belong._  

Danny laughed. “Steve, take it easy!

Steve went on. “Tell your mother to send Grace back. It’s not good to transfer in the middle of a school year, anyway! She liked it here, right?”

Danny nodded. “Yeah, she loved it. She got used to it a lot more easily than I did.”

“Well, she obviously has more taste than you, “Steve smiled.

“Oh, really? I wouldn’t lecture anyone about taste if I were wearing cargo pants,” Danny said, and he was smiling too.

“These are functional and fashionable,” Steve replied, trying to not smile back and failing miserably.

There it was again. Danny’s smile. God, he’d missed it.

“Well, I will give you functional, but fashionable? Not so much!”

“Ok, ok!” Steve laughed. “So, what do you think? Will you stay? Will you come and work with me?” _Would you marry me and let us live together the way we're supposed to?_

“Yes. I might be crazy, but something is telling me this is the right thing to do.”

“Cancel your flight and have a drink with me, please?”

“Ok Steve,” Danny said with a smile.

“Thank you,” Steve said, smiling back at him.

***

Danny came back a few moments later.

“So, where do you want to go have a drink?”

“I know a nice place on the beach,” Steve said, smiling when he saw the face Danny made.

“You know I don’t like the beach!” Danny elbowed Steve lightly and Steve laughed.

“Well, do you want to go to the bar here, in the airport? “

“Sure. I want to hear all about this dream you had.”

“It wasn’t a dream, Danny. It was a glimpse-it was real, I can just feel it.”

They got to the bar and sat at a table.

“So go ahead,” Danny said with a smile. “Tell me about it.”

***

And Steve did tell him everything that he’d seen in the glimpse he’d have of their alternate life.

Danny’s face went from mildly curious and amused to astonished as Steve told him so many things that had actually happened in Danny’s life.

“Wow-that’s amazing!” Danny sat back in his chair and exhaled loudly. “Those friends you saw, the place we were living in your glimpse-all that is true, well except that you weren’t there.”

“No, you had all that with your –partner,” Steve had to keep himself from choking on the word.

Danny shook his head. “No-well, some of it, yes. But we never had the happiness you described, or the love.” He took a sip of his drink. “It’s not that we weren’t happy. It’s just that it often felt as though there was something-“

“Missing,” Steve finished the sentence for him. “I know. I felt the same way about my life. I liked it for the most part, although there was always a part of me that felt I joined the Navy and the SEALS just to please my Dad, and to prove something to myself. But I did like being a SEAL. It was easy to get into the adrenaline, the rush of the mission.” Steve paused for a moment. “I think it was also a way to keep from thinking, or feeling much of anything.”

Danny nodded. “I felt that way being a detective, too. I love my job, but sometimes I’d get caught up in cases and feel like I was doing it to keep from thinking too much.” He sighed. “Or feeling too much.”

“What was it that you were trying not to think about, or feel?” Steve asked, hoping he was right about the answer.

“I didn’t want to think I might not be as happy as I was trying to convince myself I was.”

Steve couldn’t help himself. He had to ask,”Danny, did the two of us not being together have anything to do with the way you felt?”

Danny didn’t answer right away. Then he took another sip of his drink and nodded. “Yeah.”

Steve tried not to look as happy as he felt inside.

“Me too, Danny.”

“Steve, when you asked me if I ever thought of what might’ve been I didn’t want to answer,because it didn’t matter. But with all you’ve told me I can tell you the truth. I thought about it many times over the years.”

“I did too, Danny. But I never let myself dwell on it. It took seeing what could’ve been our life that I saw what a fool I’d been.” He lightly placed his hand on Danny’s. “Can you forgive me for the way I acted then? I mean, really forgive me? Forgive me for the time I wasted?”

Danny touched Steve’s hand and said, “I already had forgiven you. And I don’t want to waste any more time.” He leaned forward and kissed Steve lightly on his lips.

“Let’s get out of here,” Steve said, his voice husky with desire and happiness.

He threw some money down on the table and he and Danny stood up.

“Where do you want to go Danny?”

“Home.”

Steve tried to hide his disappointment. “Ok, I’ll take you home.”

Danny sighed. “I see I’m going to have to work on your detecting skills with you. I didn’t mean I wanted you to take me to my house.”

Steve continued to look confused.

Danny touched Steve’s face. “I mean I want to go home.”

Steve smiled as he realized what Danny was saying.

“Let’s go home, then,” he said and took Danny’s hand.

Steve couldn’t stop smiling all the way back to the house and he silently thanked the angel (or whoever that guy was) for letting him have that glimpse of what his life could be with Danny at his side.

 

The End


End file.
